Success or something like it.

 “S-U-C-C-E-S-S! That’s the way you spell success!” That little ditty is one of the leftover remnants from that one time my high school pulled together a cheer team to rally up the crowd when we hosted the volleyball provincials back in 1992. 

There are so many determinants that go into defining what it is to be successful. To one person, it might be getting out of bed in the morning. To another, it might be securing a deal within a multi-million dollar corporation. Capitalism, my nineteen-year-old to say, would be apt to say, is why people obtain educations and work as they do.

What does a successful teenager resemble? Is it one who pulls straight As? Is it one who balances work and school? Is it one who participates in every extra-curricular activity under the sun? Is it one who is kind to others? Is it one who continues to plug away day after day when the odds seem to be stacked? Is it one who has a slew of friends or one or two good ones? The notion of success is difficult to measure as life experiences need to come into play.

When I think about what it is to be successful or to have succeeded, the words of one Ralph Waldo Emerson always come to mind.

“To laugh often and love much; 

to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children;

to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of  

false friends; 

to appreciate beauty; 

to find the best in others; 

to give of one’s self; 

to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden

patch or a redeemed social condition; 

to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with

exultation; 

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived —

this is to have succeeded.”

Waldo was many things in his life. Granted, he lived during the early to mid-1800s where things are a far cry different than what they are today. Are things truly that different? He is one who followed and promoted Individualism. Simply put, it is a philosophical ideology that puts the moral worth of an individual at the forefront. Individualists supported the idea that a person should, more or less, not be concerned with what society asked of them. They would be free to create and exist in a way that made what they could contribute a lesser concern. That is a far cry from a world that is results-driven.

As a mother and a teacher, I find my two roles are often at odds with each other - especially when it comes to my secondborn. Thankfully, I do NOT compare him and his sister. She excelled with her studies and has gone on to do quite well in University. Unless I am looking through rose-coloured lenses, girls mature more quickly, blah blah blah. As similar as my children are, it baffles me how two kids loved and raised in the same family can be as different academically as they are. The expectations and opportunities for enrichment were the same. They each have strengths and weaknesses. I take pride that they come from a good family. Most importantly to me, they are genuine people.  

While I have not made it a secret that he struggles academically, he sometimes grapples with putting 100% in some tasks at school. Powerschool does not lie! Despite his insistence, I will not delete the app. His grades have often been the focus of many arguments here both this year and in previous years. As a nod to an old quip of my late father, my fast-paced and angry tones must be as understandable as Swahili to his ears. Can ranting and raving like a lunatic over a grade ever be worth it? 

As far as the 2020-2021 school year is concerned, I am surprised and humbled that he has persevered. (Truthfully, I do not know how the 2019-2020 one panned out as it did.) I am not one to make excuses. He has owned every good and bad result he has ever earned. At times, however, school is about more than the academic piece. It can be mighty hard to be open to learning and educational pursuits when outside forces interfere. Starting in September to recent weeks, he was the target of utter bullshit and vicious rumours posted about him nearly daily on various social media outlets. Still, he held his head high when it would have been easy not to. That is just who he is. I guess that proves how effective role models, integrity, and strength of character count for something. Honestly, it still baffles me how he was one of the villains in a vindictive narrative that he should not have had a role in the first place.

By its very denotation, success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. Another definition is that it is a favourable or a desired outcome. I suppose one can say, if anything, my son is a success by the very nature of the word. He has survived many things. And to revisit the thoughts of Emerson, he laughs, and he loves. He has given of himself to others. He has recognized the betrayals of and parted with false friends. Most importantly, I and many others continue to breathe a little easier because he continues to live. Honestly, this is to have succeeded.